The words by John Waller are so perfect for this stage in my life. I am waiting and I feel as if I've been waiting for a while. It's similar to the feeling I get right before the whistle blows for a soccer game to start; I'm anxious yet excited and eyeing down the ref waiting for him to blow whistle! It's exactly how I've felt for the past three years -- i'm sitting here anxious yet excited and waiting for the "green light" to move forward......waiting to see where He leads me. Deep down I know that my life is intended for a bigger purpose, I have a desire to make a difference in people's lives and I want to do more with what God has given me. Prov 19:21 says "Many are the plans in a man's heart but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails". Every time I read that verse I am convicted of my tendency to take over the controls, I want to do things my way instead of waiting for the Lord's timing and sovereignty. I look back at my life and I see the many times that I've pushed God out of the way and grabbed a hold of the controls and every time I've made a mess of things. I didn't wait for God's timing, I didn't wait for His purpose, and I didn't ask for His guidance. I want to change all of that, I want to give everything to Him and wait patiently. I thought I was a patient person but this current trial is pushing me to my limit, stretching me, and opening my eyes to what I need to change in my life.
So I'm sitting here learning how to wait on the Lord and put my trust in Him. I am anxious to see that green light or hear the whistle blow but now I realize that "waiting" is much more than sitting on my chair in front of this computer. While I wait He is preparing me for the next phase, He is refining my character and teaching me what I need to learn before He gives me the green light. What kind of Shepherd would my Lord be if He didn't care enough to prep me for the next leg of my journey! So while I wait I will serve Him, I will worship Him, I will run the race before me, I will be faithful, and I will persevere. I will keep my eyes focused on Him and remind myself daily that life is much more than marriage and kids, a successful career, or the accumulation of material things -- life is much bigger and larger than this little box i live in.
Life is really about bringing Him glory and using the abilities and talents and desires He's given me to enrich others and show them The Way. On days when the temptor hits the hardest, when I feel overwhelmed with heartache or frustration, when the grip of hopelessness starts to pull me down I will endeavor to turn my face back to Him and remember that it is the "Lord's purpose that prevails" and not mine.
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