What Is Hope After All

Almost my entire life I've been led to believe that hope is simply a wishing of the heart and if you're good then you'll get what you want. Very similar to the Disney theory that if you wish upon a star and hope for something with all of your heart then it will come true! Imagine that!! Completely not the way a believer should think of hope but for some reason that's the mindset I had as a child and it stuck with me...until now. I've definitely been learning what hope is and where my hope should be placed. I've come to recognize that I have a cynical attitude and a large part of that attitude stems from disappointment and that stems from the fact that I have been placing my hope in people -- i.e. I hope that this person changes, I hope that I will get this scholarship, I hope that this relationship will work out -- so its' no wonder when I'm constantly disappointed because I put all of my hope in people who are imperfect!

A lot changes when you start to put your hope in the Lord. You realize your limitations and you begin to cultivate faith. Instead of hoping that an individual will magically find enlightenment and change themself I can instead give that person and the situation over to the Lord in prayer and place my complete trust in His sovereignty and in His power. God knows best and it is His timing and ways that are always perfect, who am I to argue with the God of the Universe? That has been a hard lesson for me to learn, as I've stated in a previous blog I have the potential to think that I know better than God and I take over the controls. But being in a helpless situation has forced me to give it to God simply b/c I could do nothing else and now I'm beginning to see the benefits.

Hope is so much more than wishing, hope is trust + faith + patience. Trusting in God's power and sovereignty, Faith in His character and promises, Patience in waiting and sometimes longsuffering. There are days when I want to throw in the towel and give up the battle but then James 1:3-4 comes to mind "because you know that the testing of your faith produces perserverence. Let perserverence finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything". How awesome to think that God allows trials in our life....specific trials that He knows will be exactly what is needed in order to bring about maturing and completion so that we are not lacking in anything. This verse speaks directly to me of God's love and His care, if He didn't care for me then He wouldn't spend so much time in molding me.

Romans 5:3-5 "And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us."

It's the Little Things

A friend of mine came down for the weekend to spend time with me, I haven't seen him in about 5-6 yrs which is a complete guess b/c time has flown by and I honestly can't remember but we had a great time together and it made me realize how blessed I am to have awesome friends. God has brought each and every friend into my life for a different reason and it amazes me to see which ones He chooses to minister to me at various phases in my journey. Over the past couple of months "old" friendships have been strengthened and new friendships have been made and it brings me joy. It seems that I always recieve an email, text, or phone call from a friend when I need it most and I don't believe that it is coincidence, I believe God sends these little blessings and allows that individual to be an encouragement or a testimony to me. I've learned that when you are able to see God in the "little" things you will begin to see His love and care for you in an even bigger way. So thank you to those of you who have been nothing but a true friend to me, you have enriched my life and it wouldn't be the same without you.

I read this poem today "Measure thy life by loss and not by gain, Not by the wine drunk, but by the wine poured forth. For love's strength standeth in love's sacrifice, And he who suffers most has most to give." I especially appreciate the last standza - I have sacrificed and had to let go of someone that I loved and cared for very much, I have never understood the claim that it takes more love to let a person go until now. It takes everything I have to leave it alone and let it be. It takes all of my meager faith to give it to God and let Him work out the details. And it's true, he who suffers most does have most to give. If i hadn't gone through trials and experiences in my life then I would not be who I am today.....everyone lives through different experiences so that we can grow and use what we've learned to help others and to bring comfort to them. He has been turning the pain into something beautiful by allowing me to minister to others and by giving me an opportunity to become more like Christ.

Jesus showed the strength of His love by dying on the cross for individuals like me who did not deserve that sacrifice yet He did it because He loves me and there hasn't been a greater sacrifice since and there never will be. If letting my best friend go is the sacrifice I needed to make in order to see him grow in the Lord and find his way then it's worth the pain. If my trial is what it takes to minister to a new friend or encourage an old friend then it's worth it. If the pain and heartache and uncertainty is what it takes for ME to grow and become more like Him then it's worth it. God has been showing me the good amidst the hurt and that is what I'm trying to focus on....He can take any decision or situation - whether its bad, good, wrong, right, wise or foolish - and turn it into something that will glorify Him.
For the first time in my life I have the joy of the Lord but I have sadness at the same time yet i think its a holy sadness lol sounds weird i know and i'm wondering if i can even call it that but if it pushes me to my knees in prayer and forces me to look up for strength and direction then what else could it be....

Waiting for my Green Light

John Waller - While I’m Waiting lyrics
 
The words by John Waller are so perfect for this stage in my life. I am waiting and I feel as if I've been waiting for a while. It's similar to the feeling I get right before the whistle blows for a soccer game to start; I'm anxious yet excited and eyeing down the ref waiting for him to blow whistle! It's exactly how I've felt for the past three years -- i'm sitting here anxious yet excited and waiting for the "green light" to move forward......waiting to see where He leads me. Deep down I know that my life is intended for a bigger purpose, I have a desire to make a difference in people's lives and I want to do more with what God has given me. Prov 19:21 says "Many are the plans in a man's heart but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails". Every time I read that verse I am convicted of my tendency to take over the controls, I want to do things my way instead of waiting for the Lord's timing and sovereignty. I look back at my life and I see the many times that I've pushed God out of the way and grabbed a hold of the controls and every time I've made a mess of things. I didn't wait for God's timing, I didn't wait for His purpose, and I didn't ask for His guidance. I want to change all of that, I want to give everything to Him and wait patiently. I thought I was a patient person but this current trial is pushing me to my limit, stretching me, and opening my eyes to what I need to change in my life.

So I'm sitting here learning how to wait on the Lord and put my trust in Him. I am anxious to see that green light or hear the whistle blow but now I realize that "waiting" is much more than sitting on my chair in front of this computer. While I wait He is preparing me for the next phase, He is refining my character and teaching me what I need to learn before He gives me the green light. What kind of Shepherd would my Lord be if He didn't care enough to prep me for the next leg of my journey! So while I wait I will serve Him, I will worship Him, I will run the race before me, I will be faithful, and I will persevere. I will keep my eyes focused on Him and remind myself daily that life is much more than marriage and kids, a successful career, or the accumulation of material things -- life is much bigger and larger than this little box i live in.
Life is really about bringing Him glory and using the abilities and talents and desires He's given me to enrich others and show them The Way. On days when the temptor hits the hardest, when I feel overwhelmed with heartache or frustration, when the grip of hopelessness starts to pull me down I will endeavor to turn my face back to Him and remember that it is the "Lord's purpose that prevails" and not mine.